Insecurities = Motivation
I have been in the Interpreting program what seems like FOREVER! When I began this journey into this field, I had absolutely no idea how hard it was going to be or how much I would question myself and my ability to do it. I am nearing the end of the program and I am hoping to graduate by next June, but the pressure keeps mounting and all I see are my insecurities about this profession.
It's true I left everything from my small home town to my family and friends to pursue my ultimate career and passion. I have had many ups and downs and have questioned on many occasions, "Why in the world am I doing this?" However, facing all of my doubts, I kept going. I am sure I have have said in a previous post that I never considered myself "college material." I work hard, but it is hard for me to leave a class at the end of the semester with an A in the class. I did well in high school because I found a way to manipulate the system to make it easy for me. I relied heavily on my memorization skills to get me through. In these classes, memorization can only get me so far. Interpreting into ASL or English relies on my skill as a signer and how fast my brain can process information. I know it will probably just take practice because this is a new skill I am learning. However, I still experience extreme amounts of insecurities and low self-esteem. My instructors are not lenient either. Because this is a fairly new profession (circa 1965), it has taken much time and effort to get the general population to recognize it as such, therefore they are hard on us because they want us to be good interpreters. It makes sense, but it is also incredibly draining.
I want to be a good interpreter. I want to be able to represent the Deaf and hearing communities to the best of my ability and be able to effectively communicate between the two languages. With that said, my instructors hold nothing back. It is fairly common, unless you are 100% involved in the Deaf community, you will repeat at least one of the classes. This only heightens my insecurity. If not for the wonderful people who have now also become my friends in the program, I probably would have quit a long time ago. Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing my instructors by any means. They are the best in the business and some have even pioneered the field. I sometimes feel that they have forgotten what it is like to be the student and have all of this information thrown at you. Still, I can't see myself doing anything else. Interpreting has been the most excruciating and yet the most rewarding part of my life.
I obviously can't give up now. It would be a dumb decision and a total waste of money. I must remain positive and believe in myself enough to keep pursuing my dream. When I finally graduate, who knows what will be next for me. I will need to continue practicing and work towards my certification, but I think this is just a stepping stone for what is to come. Giving up would just be a cop-out and would get me no where in my life. I want the best life possible and the only way to get it, is to find something worth the blood, sweat, and tears. If you aren't willing to give up everything for it, then maybe it isn't the career for you. This can be applied to anything you want in life. I may have sacrificed a lot to be here and be in this program, but it is far better than living a mediocre life and being miserable.
I know one day I will get to where I am supposed to be, I need to keep focused and not focus on how bad I think I am at interpreting. Because one day, one sweet day, I will look back at my moments of weakness, insecurities, and fears and realize that they only motivated me to pursue my dreams that much more.
It's true I left everything from my small home town to my family and friends to pursue my ultimate career and passion. I have had many ups and downs and have questioned on many occasions, "Why in the world am I doing this?" However, facing all of my doubts, I kept going. I am sure I have have said in a previous post that I never considered myself "college material." I work hard, but it is hard for me to leave a class at the end of the semester with an A in the class. I did well in high school because I found a way to manipulate the system to make it easy for me. I relied heavily on my memorization skills to get me through. In these classes, memorization can only get me so far. Interpreting into ASL or English relies on my skill as a signer and how fast my brain can process information. I know it will probably just take practice because this is a new skill I am learning. However, I still experience extreme amounts of insecurities and low self-esteem. My instructors are not lenient either. Because this is a fairly new profession (circa 1965), it has taken much time and effort to get the general population to recognize it as such, therefore they are hard on us because they want us to be good interpreters. It makes sense, but it is also incredibly draining.
I want to be a good interpreter. I want to be able to represent the Deaf and hearing communities to the best of my ability and be able to effectively communicate between the two languages. With that said, my instructors hold nothing back. It is fairly common, unless you are 100% involved in the Deaf community, you will repeat at least one of the classes. This only heightens my insecurity. If not for the wonderful people who have now also become my friends in the program, I probably would have quit a long time ago. Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing my instructors by any means. They are the best in the business and some have even pioneered the field. I sometimes feel that they have forgotten what it is like to be the student and have all of this information thrown at you. Still, I can't see myself doing anything else. Interpreting has been the most excruciating and yet the most rewarding part of my life.
I obviously can't give up now. It would be a dumb decision and a total waste of money. I must remain positive and believe in myself enough to keep pursuing my dream. When I finally graduate, who knows what will be next for me. I will need to continue practicing and work towards my certification, but I think this is just a stepping stone for what is to come. Giving up would just be a cop-out and would get me no where in my life. I want the best life possible and the only way to get it, is to find something worth the blood, sweat, and tears. If you aren't willing to give up everything for it, then maybe it isn't the career for you. This can be applied to anything you want in life. I may have sacrificed a lot to be here and be in this program, but it is far better than living a mediocre life and being miserable.
I know one day I will get to where I am supposed to be, I need to keep focused and not focus on how bad I think I am at interpreting. Because one day, one sweet day, I will look back at my moments of weakness, insecurities, and fears and realize that they only motivated me to pursue my dreams that much more.
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